- Essays: On The Road (And A Little Off)


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I dreamed I got a job as a cowboy star, but my sidekick was a lush. I complained to the Sidekick Union, but they said there was nothing they could do because the guy had seniority. That's the downside of Unionizing.

I have a friend who does a very credible impression of Gabby Hayes. Another I know does Slim Pickens. Another does Edgar Buchanan. I want to do some late-night spots on TV. Here's the idea: Suppose you're lonely. Then you could call up and talk to one of these guys, tell him your problems, and he'd give you advice in Gabby Hayes's voice, for instance. We could call it the Sidekick Hotline.

I'm trying to think of the female equivalent of the sidekick…and I can't think of any…it's Laverne and Shirley or Thelma and Louise, chicks who are partners rather than one being the dominant factor…somebody, maybe Jim Terr, but certainly not me, should write a paper on that.

We'd love to hear your thoughts on the sidekick issue. Just post 'em in the Guestbook or on the forum, and only if they're too risqué, or not risqué enough, will I delete them. Please do not use these media to sell your bogus Viagra however.

Gasoline price update: Current price for regular in Venezuela: 18 cents a gallon….that's AMURRICAN cents, amigo.