FATWA

It’s HY-dro-gen-a-ted, schvantzface

Rockvale TN October 20somethingth, 2009 –

“Now contains no hy-DRAH-gen-a-ted oils!”

There is no such word as hyDRAHgenated.  When those zombie-bank entrepreneurs are adding nitrogen to your gasoline, they don’t refer to it as “ni-TRAH-gen-a-ted” gasoline, do they?

There is no such thing as “car-BAHN-a-ted” sodas, right?

Or “ox-Y-gen-a-ted” detergent.

Somewhere, somebody sometime in the annals of food advertising thought, “Wow, if I simply mispronounce Hydrogenated, it’ll sound so much cooler and scientific, not to mention obfuscatory, when I talk about our new congealed oil sandwich spread, This Can’t Be Canola Oil.  This is almost as good as when we thought of changing the name of rapeseed to ‘canola oil.’”

So I, The One and Only Original Accept No Substitutes NonPunkAss Panama Red, am issuing my first fatwa ever: off with the heads of jerks who mislead the mis-led by mispronouncing Hydrogenated.  Okay, all together now: HYdrogenated.

Be warned.

                                                    -30-